Anniversary

Today (or shall I say, yesterday), marks the start of my third year at work. Whew. Time goes by really, really fast. By the standards of the company that I'm working for, I'm ancient.

This was the first photo of me that was taken when I first started working --


And this is me now; forty pounds heavier (ugh. don't ask.), with slightly longer hair, deeper eyebags, and dryer skin. Yes, I feel like I got uglier, shallowness aside.
I guess other people would share the same sentiments, because the sedentary lifestyle of working really affected me a lot. Stress of work and of other things (lovelife! haha!) got me into stress eating and emotional shopping, and into more cigarettes a day and more alcohol at night. The eyebags and dry skin were from countless sleepless nights, trying to fit in a normal work-life balance into a work schedule that's more than your typical 9 hours.

I could think of it that way, or, if I were to positive script, I'd say I just grew up. Gone is the innocence and the freshness that I used to have right after college. I became more worldly, more aware of how hard it is to earn the money that I was just so used to spending. To put it bluntly, I learned how much my money was worth.

Now I know a venti Starbucks Frappucino would mean half a day's work, and bag from Mango or Zara would mean two days. Heck, even my manipedi's worth a day of work!

This was a lesson that took two years for me to learn.

I'm looking forward to my third year at work, if only for this to be the year that I finally get to redeem myself. This means financially, physically and emotionally. I will have goals, and will work hard at attaining those goals!

Happy Birthday, Leigh!

204 facebook wall posts, greeting me a happy birthday. Wow. I'm just very overwhelmed. I'm not even counting those that greeted me via text and call and Facebook message.

I'm officially 24. I'm wishing this year will be better than the last. My 23rd year was very challenging, I have to admit. But looking back, I know I'll remember it because of everything that happened.

Here's hoping my 24th year won't be as bad. May it be a year of firsts, a year of beginnings, more than of endings. I hope I gain new friends, and still get to keep all my old ones. May it be a year of changing for the better, with new habits and new hobbies.

On Getting Older

In less than 12 hours, I'll be turning 24.

Unlike previous birthdays, I'm not excited. I don't even want to celebrate. Whatever celebration that I'll have, its more out of obligation, and not because I really want to celebrate.

For some strange reason, the number 24 scares me. One year until I turn 25, until the real world really starts. And now because I'm 366 days away from when the real world starts, self evaluation has kicked in. I feel worthless, like I have nothing to say for myself.

I'm 23 and what have I done? I've lived a fairly mediocre life, obviously incomparable to the life that I want to life inside my head. But since I'm being all honest here, perhaps the things that I'm most disappointed in is the fact that I'm just 23 and I'm as cynical than ever. I no longer believe in the rainbows and unicorns that I used to.

Anyway.. will continue when I get back.

Keeping Memories

Recently I just started a new project. I've been looking for something I could do to pass time; something creative, and something that I really like. One night I went into the den, and got random photo albums of our family, and scanned the photos. (And this is also so that I could put our scanner into good use, since its proving itself useless in our household. :) )

Good thing it was the oldest photo album that I got. The pictures that I was able to scan were priceless, and most of them were more than 30 years old.

Papa's enlistment. 1969, I think.

Papa and his airplane, aptly named "Bugoy."
(Sorry, I don't remember what kind of plane this was. Some F something, I guess.)

Mama inside Papa's airplane.
Judging by the fact that Mama was already present in Papa's life, this must be somewhere in the mid-70's, I think.

Its always a pleasant surprise to see old photos like these. It made me again realize that at some point, my parents were also like me, and yes, they were also young once. :)

Mangyari Lamang - Rico Abelardo

Mangyari lamang ay tumayo ang mga nagmahal
nang makita ng lahat ang mukha ng pag- ibig.
Ipamalas ang tamis ng malalim na pagkakaunawaan
sa mga malabo ang paningin.

Mangyari lamang ay tumayo rin ang mga nagmahal at nasawi
nang makita ng lahat ang mga sugat ng isang bayani.
Ipadama ang pait ng kabiguan habang ipinagbubunyi
ang walang katulad na kagitingan ng isang nagtaya.

Mangyari lamang ay tumayo ang mga nangangambang magmahal
nang makita ng lahat ang kilos ng isang bata.
Ipamalas ang katapatan ng damdamin na pilit ikinukubli
ng pusong lumaki sa mga engkanto at diwata.

Mangyari lamang ay tumayo ang mga nagmahal,
minahal at iniwan ngunit handa pa ring magmahal
nang makita ng lahat ang yaman ng karanasan.
Ipamalas ang katotohanang nasaksihan
nang maging makahulugan ang mga paghagulgol sa dilim.

At sa mga nananatiling nakaupo mangyari lamang
ay dahan-dahang tumalilis papalabas sa nakangangang pinto.
Umuwi na kayo at sumbatan ang mga magulang
na nagpalaki ng isang halimaw!

At sa lahat ng naiwang nakatayo mangyari lamang
ay hagkan ang isa’t isa at yakapin ang mga sugatan.
Mabuhay tayong lahat na nagsisikap na makabalik sa ating pinagmulan!
Manatiling masaya at higit sa lahat magpatuloy sa pagmamahal.

-

Shoe Addiction

I love shoes. I'm sure a lot of other girls share the same sentiments as I do. Shoes are my happy pill, and the perfect item for me to buy when I need to go emotional shopping. What is emotional shopping? Well, I'll explain later.

I know I've accumulated a lot of shoes, especially since I started working. See, I used to work in a mall, and now I work in front of a mall. It's very conducive to the emotional shopping that I'm very, very prone to doing. However, I only realized now how many shoes I actually, really have. No, I did not count, but see for yourself --

Now, that's a lot of shoes. :) Granted, all the shoes that you see there are both mine and my sister's, that's definitely still a lot more than the 25 pairs an average woman would most likely have.

Most of my footwear purchases are emotional buys -- things that I bought because I needed to cheer myself up. There came a point wherein I bought two pairs of shoes in my first hour of work, just because I was depressed. I also used to spend my lunch breaks walking around the mall, looking for things to buy. Buying stuff gave me a rush; It make me feel like a better person, knowing I had something no one else had. Obviously, there's no logic behind that, thus, the reason why its called emotional shopping.

Why shoes? Short answer, shoes make me feel better about myself. Heels make me feel like an adult, and help me feel more professional than I really am, flats make me feel girly, gladiators and boots make me feel trendy, wedges make me feel earthy and sandals make me feel like the kaladkarin girl that I really am. Oh yeah, sneakers make me feel down to earth too. I almost forgot about them, since I rarely wear them.

Apart from that, well, I guess this will suffice --

"When I feel bad I like to treat myself. Clothes never look any good... food just makes me fatter... shoes always fit. "

- In Her Shoes, 2005

Going back to where it all started

I spent my Eid Al Fitr holiday in Ateneo, with two of my closest friends, Allan and JP. I don't know what came into me but I just had that urge to go back there -- to think, probably, and perhaps to see for myself how much things have changed.

The first thing I wanted to see was the Balete exhibit, which was this huge piece that attached itself to the facade of the Rizal Library. I saw it before in pictures, and I have to say.. I like it. :) It was quirky and scary at the same time and it looked alive from meters away.


There was also a new library, which was waaaay bigger than the old Rizal Library. I never knew Ateneo had that much books!

True, Ateneo now has a lot of new buildings/structures. Add to the fact that now that it has been almost 3 years since I graduated, it would be understandable for anyone of my age/batch to feel like an alien, with no sense of belonging. Surprisingly, I didn't feel like that. While I was walking around, it felt like anytime, the bell would ring, and I would have to hurry to my next class.

It felt like a homecoming, like I'm seeing the campus through the eyes of someone who has seen/experienced more of the world, but still is the same person who once walked the halls two and a half years ago. Weird, I know. I'm still grasping for words as of this writing, to explain how it felt being there at that exact moment.

I went back there to think, and to try to feel again the carefree life of a college student. Logic behind that was, I needed to remember who I was at the happiest point in my life, when I was most content with my life. If I remember how I was then, maybe I would now have an idea of how I could get her back. Thankfully, I think it worked.

I've narrowed down the source of my happiness and contentment to these three factors:

1. I'm happiest when I'm with my friends who have the same interests that I do. May it be showbiz, pop culture, eating habits, causes in life.. well, I've found people in Ateneo who satisfy my craving for all my interests.
   
2. Now I realize the value of learning. In college, since my classes were very varied (from music production, Philippine cinema, to sociological theories.. I took them all!), everyday I had an epiphany. Everyday I got to learn about things that I wouldn't have known; things that are worthy to share to Allan (because he was the friend who was most receptive to useless information), and things that are interesting enough to remember even now.
   
3. Inasmuch as my mind was filled, my heart was too, and not in a romantic way. I guess the biggest difference of the Leigh today to the Leigh of college was that the Leigh of college had something she was fighting for. She had a cause.

I'm happy I didn't have to work last Friday, or else it would've taken a couple of months before I would have realized these things. I still miss being in college. I really do. But one thing I've learned is that it will never be exactly the same again. To quote from Avenue Q, "But if I were to go back to college, think what a loser I'd be. I'd sit in the quad, and think Oh my God, these kids are so much younger than me." I'll be happy enough to get back the old me, the college Leigh, even if I'm now already working.

Hello, September!

September 1.

Historically, September has always been a very, very good month for me. Last year for example, I got to join a game show, won around 100k, got a promotion, got my baby boy Pepi, and had a smashing birthday celebration. All this just within the 30 days of my favorite month.

Of course, a lot of it has a lot to do with September being my birthday month; it would be much happier than any other month of the year because I would most likely be celebrating the whole time. But more than that, I have this weird feeling that maybe I'd be making a fresh start in September. I have a good feeling about this month, and as much as possible, I'd like to surround myself with good vibes.

Anyway, I can't wait to see what September 2010 has in store for me! :)