In Limbo

Limbo

noun

in limbo in a state of uncertainty, neglected, up in the air, in abeyance, betwixt and between, not knowing whether one is coming or going (informal) I felt as though I was in limbo.

Collins Thesaurus of the English Language – Complete and Unabridged 2nd Edition. 2002 © HarperCollins Publishers 1995, 2002

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There you go, folks. That's exactly where I am right now -- nowhere.

2012 has been disappointing so far. In fact, I go as far as to say that 40 days into the year, I have more questions than answers, and more problems than I have solutions. This has been brewing inside me for quite a while now, and sooner or later I know I'll just break down.

The nagging thought in my head right now -- I'm 25 and I'm unemployed. I don't know what I want to do really, and the things that I know I want to do, I can't because of external factors. I feel so powerless in my own life, that even I can't trust myself to do anything about it. I've run out of belief in myself somehow. It may sound impossible, but yes, that's exactly how I feel. The sadder thing is that I feel so abandoned going through all this because no one can seem to understand how badly I feel about myself right now.

Anyway, tomorrow is another day. I gotta start motivating myself again, because obviously, its not going to come from anywhere else. I have to start doing things by myself again, because again, even the best people can let you down.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

(What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger - Kelly Clarkson)

Observations and Rhetorical Questions

I find it peculiar how women throughout civilization have worked so hard to be treated as equal to men, as truly independent, but have to revert back to their old clingy and dependent ways just so the men would feel needed and therefore treat them as "womanly." (Wow, run-on sentence. Pardon the grammatical error, I'm just really uhm... emotional about this now.)

Are men threatened by strong women? If so, does that mean that the woman has to pretend to be weak and clingy just so the men would feel needed, therefore becoming an ego boost for them?

If you're reading this, there's a big chance you won't agree with me, but hey, that's how I see things.

And yeah, how does a girl differentiate when a guy is just being nice or being pa-fall? Most stories I hear, the heartbroken girl blames the guy for being pa-fall, while the guy claims he was just being nice. Can someone please point to me where this invisible line is, because I hate the fact that I'm turning 26 this year and yet I'm still getting lost.

Anyway, I'll write more about this soon. For now, I shall sleep. Good night world!

Thank you, 2011!

I'm sitting outside the house, just before 12am, and already, my car alarm is going off because of the firecrackers. The neighbor is blasting "Sweet Child of Mine" (Bon Jovi version, of course) in an attempt to make noise in our otherwise boring street. I'm not a New Year person because I always get emo, but surprise, surprise, I'm wearing a dotted top just for the occasion. And hey, I cooked for the family!

I've been very nostalgic these past few days because 2011 is coming to an end. 2011 for me was a milestone year. Definitely one for the books, one that I can tell all my grandkids about. It was MY year, and I am confidently owning it as one of the best years of my 25 year existence.

In 2011, I traveled, I lost a job, bummed around, became a reality show contestant, met my ultimate super idol Sharon Cuneta, met a group of people I will never forget ever, lived away from home and basically grew up. In that order.

Bacolod, January 2011

TELUS TA Despedida, March 2011

The Goodbye Leigh Wall


The Biggest Loser Pinoy Edition, May - October 2011

Ate Sharon! :)

Cebu, August - September 2011

Singapore, October 2011

There you go, 2011 in photos. Despite all this, I'm forever indebted to my family and friends for sticking by my throughout this year. It was a rollercoaster ride, admittedly. And never did I feel alone or lonely going through my journey. Thank you for understanding, and thank you for being there. :) I'm truly blessed already having wonderful people in my life, and having met more of them in 2011.

So there you go, 45 minutes to go until the world (at least Manila) becomes officially noisy. I think I'll have to go inside now to heat up the food.

Cheers to 2011, a wonderful year that was! (And crossing my fingers that 2012 will just be as awesome!)

Merry Christmas, Darlings.

Christmas has always been a bittersweet occasion in our household. Three adults with no mother.. well, you get the picture. People have said that Christmas is for children, and for a household with no children, obviously Christmas is just another day that we get to eat a real meal for midnight snack. :)

Now more than ever, because I am technically unemployed, the Christmas spirit was hard to come by. I couldn't buy gifts, I couldn't really shop, I couldn't celebrate the way I wanted to -- you get the picture. Last year's Christmas was full of parties and celebrations. This year's was like.. really not like last year. (duh)

Long story short, I ended up just giving gifts to my family, gifts that I really made an effort to do. Since I'm the resident photographer and photo archive person of the family, I took it upon myself to give them something of that nature.

So I made photo panels of each of us. Papa's was s lot special because it had old photos of him which he's always wanted to preserve. He's had a very unique and colorful career in the Air Force, and it deserved and still deserves to be chronicled. It was a challenge fixing the photos, but it was all worth it. :) I wish I had the patience to fix all of his photos one buy one though. Other photos can be found here.

Anyway, these will be displayed somewhere in our house. Will post photos when I finally find a spot for them. :)

I guess one of the great things 2011 has taught me is appreciation for family. I'm no longer afraid of treating them special, of really caring for the things they care about, even if it takes so much effort. Most of all, I'm no longer afraid of giving them hugs and telling them I love them. For me, that's what Christmas is about -- making other people feel that they are loved.

On that note, Merry Christmas everybody! :) May you and your family be blessed with more of everything happy! xoxo

Nourishing the Soul :)

So, its been a while since I last posted. Sorry. :( The last few weeks have been very chaotic and I feel like I've gone everywhere. Just today for example - I started the day off in Cubao, then went to Divisoria for 2 hours, Makati for something, then I went to Pasig to visit my sister in the hospital. Recently my days have been that hectic, that the thing that I want most now is just a day in bed.

Truth be told, happy thoughts are hard to come by when you're just so damn tired. And stressed. And confused. Its not just the tiredness that's getting to me, but the chaos of it all too. Seems like nothing is going according to plan, and nothing is going smoothly. The easiest thing for me to do now is to be catty, harsh and sarcastic, even when I don't want to. I'm so caught up in the thought of earning more and more money for the things that I need to spend for, that I actually forgot that its December, and that Christmas is just 16 days away.

Yes, and see, I haven't even thought of what presents I'm going to give away this year. That's how stressed I've been. But then a couple days ago I got a reminder to not be selfish, especially this season.

Derek Ramsay's birthday build with Habitat for Humanity
6 December 2011, Navotas

National Bookstore's Project Aklat

First, Derek invited us BL contestants to his Habitat for Humanity birthday build in Navotas. The next day, I went into National Bookstore and got offered the opportunity of donating books to less fortunate children, which of course, I did. I donated the book entitled "Imbisibol Man ang Tatay," which was the story of a little kid whose dad was an OFW. How sad and touching, right? This cause was particularly special to me because as a kid, reading gave me so much entertainment and has taught me so much -- from conversational English to life lessons. I'd like other children to have the same opportunity too.

I miss being this kind of person -- someone who is a person for others. This is a very Atenean trait, I'd like to believe. No matter how much time you spend feeding your physical self with money and other things, your soul will still need some nourishment.

For more info about these two causes, check out these links:
Habitat for Humanity Philippines
National Bookstore's Project Aklat

Working Girls in Camarines Sur

So Joy and I just back from Camarines Sur from a week long stint working for the events organizer handling the Ad Congress.

For those who have no idea what the Ad Congress is, well, its an event where all the advertising people get together and mingle, network and share what's new in the business. This year's theme was "Change the Game," taken very literally with it being brought to the Camsur Watersports Complex (CWC).Joy and I went as laborers (haha), if you may call it that. It was back to the workforce for us, our first non-BL related gig. The work was not at all glamorous, but very rewarding in the end. We got to meet new people, and we got to enjoy the ad congress itself. Well, half of it, since we missed out on the talks which I was super disappointed about. We got to attend most of the parties anyway, which kinda made up for the stuff that we missed.

The famous Laing Pizza

Php 230, CWC Clubhouse

We also got to meet up with Kuya Larry, who was like everyone's friend in Naga. Seriously, everyone is either his old classmate, neighbor, workmate, etc. Hahaha. :) We even got to meet Naga City's Mayor Bongat when he brought us out to dinner.

Home cooked Bicolano specialties, from Kuya Larry
Abo fish, Bicol Express and Laing

One thing I wanted to do in CWC though was to wakeboard. I was psyching myself to finally do it on our spare time, but unfortunately, we didn't have enough time. :c It has been a frustration of mine; the last time I tried, well, the velcro knee straps wouldn't fit my thighs so I didn't go through with it. Oh well, there's always next time. :)

From Singapura with Love

I have this running joke with my friends that the only way they could get me to go with them on any trip was to kidnap me. Not that I don't like to travel because I really, really do, but my schedule is always very hectic that I can't find the heart to book myself a trip. So anyway, a month before I went into the Biggest Loser camp, my friends booked me a flight to Singapore with them.

Of course I sort of forgot about it, with all the hoopla I was in from June until October. One day I just woke up and remembered that I had a trip to Singapore soon. What made it worse was literally a couple of days before the trip, I was still in the hospital because of dengue. Stress.

Long story short, I was still able to go and had so much fun with friends!

28 October 2011 The Esplanade
Leigh, Jho, Vany - Blockmates who found each other in SG on the same weekend :)

29 October 2011 Marina Bay Sands
With Allan, travel buddy for the weekend

29 October 2011 Clark Quay Halloween
Allan, Jho, Captain Jack Sparrow, Gambit and me

30 October 2011 Universal Studios Singapore

Traveling is a whole new experience for me now. No more panting and complaining (at least not much) about the amount of walking that I have to do. Commuting is a lot easier, and climbing up stairs is now a piece of cake. Suffice it to say, I enjoyed the experience now of being able to immerse myself in the city more since I can do so many things better. Plus, shopping is more fun, now that I don't have to deal with rude sales people who insist that I don't know my size. Hahaha. Well, that's another story.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to my next trip. My BL friends and I are thinking of going to Boracay and/or Palawan sometime soon. Cross your fingers, let's all hope it pushes through!