Same Ground

The first weekend of my moving on has been somewhat successful. The highlight of which was my friends deleting and removing everything related to him on my phone and in my car. Now I don't even have his number. All our photos on my phone are gone, and all our keepsakes in my car are gone.

It felt like being gutted, but I know I needed it. I had been thinking of keeping in storage everything that reminded me of him, but I couldn't muster up enough courage to do so. In a way, it was tough love; them doing for me something that I couldn't do for myself. I love my friends, really. They know what I need even if I don't say it.

Next challenge is tomorrow. Can I survive a whole day without talking to him? Lord, help me, please. And please help me shut out all our memories from my mind. :(

My love, it's been a long time since I cried and left you out of the blue
It's hard leaving you that way when I never wanted to

Self denial is a game it's strange I never would've wanted 'til there was you
'Cause I have learned that love is beyond what human can imagine,
The more it clears
The more I gotta let you go

'Cause what I don't understand
Is why I'm feeling so bad now
When I know it was my idea
I could've just denied the truth and lied
And why am I the only one standing stranded on the same ground

(Same Ground - Kitchie Nadal)

Moving On

This is me making the conscious decision to move on.

I know I've said this countless times. Its getting humiliating how each time I'd say it, I end up regressing and going back to him. But I cannot stress right now how much I'd like to get it over with and get back to how I used to be before I even knew he existed.

But how to move on?

I wish there was a manual, like a guide of what to do to get over someone. But then that would be stupid of me even consider that there was one. This is something I have to get through by myself, my own way.

First step on my list is to reconnect with my friends. As what Kat told me, they didn't disappear; it was me who was not able to give them proper attention because I was preoccupied. So there, I will try to do this properly.

Friends, I need your help. :) He's moved on already, I know. I can't be left here still wishing that we'd go back to how we used to be. I need to move on. Help me do this for myself.

Mabuhay, from Naga!

Oh yeah, because I'm the jet setter that I am (as if!) I just spent two days in Manila, and here I am again, somewhere else. This time was for work though, but since we're done, its vacation time for us. :) Yay!

Cebu was great, made me want to consider living there permanently. It has that small town charm and at the same time, it has the same hustle and bustle that Manila has, but only to a smaller degree. Plus, the fact that the closest beach is like around 20 minutes away helps a lot. :)

What I love best about my vacation was that even though it was very unfamiliar, I really appreciated the feeling of family that this vacation gave me. I'm not very close to my relatives, but this time, it felt like I belonged, like I was part of them. Funny, my biggest realization was that I think I got most of my traits from the Bartolata side and I could see bits and of pieces of them in me. It also made me miss my mom a lot more.

Anyway, I'll do days 4 and 5 since its been quite a while since I blogged --

Day 4 - Your views on religion

Despite being raised in a Catholic setting, I don't believe in religion as much as most people do. I don't consider myself an agnostic; I understand the need for it and I understand that it could be helpful. However, I believe that most of it is symbolic and people take it too seriously for their own good. I believe in FAITH. I believe in God and His power, but i also believe that each person should be given the opportunity to exercise his or her beliefs whichever way he/she wants to, just like how the earlier Christians figured out their interpretation of the Word of God.

Whew. I miss writing papers for class. :)

Day 5 - A time you thought about ending your own life

Honestly? It always crosses my mind, especially now that I'm going through a lot. I'll leave it at that.