Because I have Nothing Better to do

While waiting for my appointment, I will blog. I'm supposed to be finishing this 9 page questionnaire for something that I joined, but I'm too distracted to answer the questions. Add to the fact that the questionnaire is poorly formatted, well, you can't blame me for being too lazy to finish it.

Its 4:10pm and I'm here in Serendra, hanging out by myself. This is something I used to do but haven't done in a long time. I am tempted to write in that questionnaire under hobbies and interests, "watching people," but thought otherwise. I can't have them think I'm a psycho, right?

4:12 now, I just saw this girl in platform boots who can no longer walk. Hahaha. She's now clinging to her mother, while taking little steps in her boots. I find it funny how people buy shoes that they can't walk in. I used to do it, but now that I'm older, I stopped. Comfort over style. Poor girl, I'm sure she thought about her outfit today for days, only to be hampered by the one stylish thing in her outfit.

4:15. I just lit a cigarette. Probably my last until I get back from the salon. On the table beside mine is one of my old batchmates from CSA. Oh how I hate awkward conversations, especially the "pretend I'm happy to see you again" type. Told her that but of course it wasn't true. I never really liked her in high school, really.

4:20. I don't get why people would go to Serendra just to sit around the fountains. Have they got nothing better to do?

Okay, now I have to go to my appointment. I'll write a more meaningful entry when I get back. :)

Giving Thanks

Today I'll write about the things I am most thankful for. I realize since I've been on this whole moving on thing, I've just been very surly and cranky at everyone and everything. Admittedly, now is not a good time in my life. Everyday is a struggle, like I have to make myself believe that I'm better off without him (which I know is really true, but of course, the still smitten Leigh would say otherwise), to help me get through the hours.

Anyway, I thought I'd try and reinforce positive vibes in my life right now, thus, I'm writing down the things that I'm most thankful for.

I'm thankful for..

• Life, because waking up each day is such a blessing. And I know I'd appreciate it more if I learn to start looking at things half full instead of half empty.
  
• Family, because when you're down there, all you want is a hug from someone whom you know will love you unconditionally.
• Work, because its the perfect distraction.
• Manila, because there's always something happening somewhere, and if you want to distract yourself, this helps a lot. :)
• Friends, because they make things a lot easier. They're the family that you choose.
  

Well, basically that's it. Generic, I know. But these things make me realize again and again that things will get better soon, and that's what gets me through everyday. :)

Same Ground

The first weekend of my moving on has been somewhat successful. The highlight of which was my friends deleting and removing everything related to him on my phone and in my car. Now I don't even have his number. All our photos on my phone are gone, and all our keepsakes in my car are gone.

It felt like being gutted, but I know I needed it. I had been thinking of keeping in storage everything that reminded me of him, but I couldn't muster up enough courage to do so. In a way, it was tough love; them doing for me something that I couldn't do for myself. I love my friends, really. They know what I need even if I don't say it.

Next challenge is tomorrow. Can I survive a whole day without talking to him? Lord, help me, please. And please help me shut out all our memories from my mind. :(

My love, it's been a long time since I cried and left you out of the blue
It's hard leaving you that way when I never wanted to

Self denial is a game it's strange I never would've wanted 'til there was you
'Cause I have learned that love is beyond what human can imagine,
The more it clears
The more I gotta let you go

'Cause what I don't understand
Is why I'm feeling so bad now
When I know it was my idea
I could've just denied the truth and lied
And why am I the only one standing stranded on the same ground

(Same Ground - Kitchie Nadal)

Moving On

This is me making the conscious decision to move on.

I know I've said this countless times. Its getting humiliating how each time I'd say it, I end up regressing and going back to him. But I cannot stress right now how much I'd like to get it over with and get back to how I used to be before I even knew he existed.

But how to move on?

I wish there was a manual, like a guide of what to do to get over someone. But then that would be stupid of me even consider that there was one. This is something I have to get through by myself, my own way.

First step on my list is to reconnect with my friends. As what Kat told me, they didn't disappear; it was me who was not able to give them proper attention because I was preoccupied. So there, I will try to do this properly.

Friends, I need your help. :) He's moved on already, I know. I can't be left here still wishing that we'd go back to how we used to be. I need to move on. Help me do this for myself.

Mabuhay, from Naga!

Oh yeah, because I'm the jet setter that I am (as if!) I just spent two days in Manila, and here I am again, somewhere else. This time was for work though, but since we're done, its vacation time for us. :) Yay!

Cebu was great, made me want to consider living there permanently. It has that small town charm and at the same time, it has the same hustle and bustle that Manila has, but only to a smaller degree. Plus, the fact that the closest beach is like around 20 minutes away helps a lot. :)

What I love best about my vacation was that even though it was very unfamiliar, I really appreciated the feeling of family that this vacation gave me. I'm not very close to my relatives, but this time, it felt like I belonged, like I was part of them. Funny, my biggest realization was that I think I got most of my traits from the Bartolata side and I could see bits and of pieces of them in me. It also made me miss my mom a lot more.

Anyway, I'll do days 4 and 5 since its been quite a while since I blogged --

Day 4 - Your views on religion

Despite being raised in a Catholic setting, I don't believe in religion as much as most people do. I don't consider myself an agnostic; I understand the need for it and I understand that it could be helpful. However, I believe that most of it is symbolic and people take it too seriously for their own good. I believe in FAITH. I believe in God and His power, but i also believe that each person should be given the opportunity to exercise his or her beliefs whichever way he/she wants to, just like how the earlier Christians figured out their interpretation of the Word of God.

Whew. I miss writing papers for class. :)

Day 5 - A time you thought about ending your own life

Honestly? It always crosses my mind, especially now that I'm going through a lot. I'll leave it at that.

Mabuhay, from Cebu! :)

First things first --

Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Everything in moderation. Period.

I'm not a prude, at least, I'd like to think I'm not, but I think everyone deserves their own moment of craziness. That involves drugs and alcohol. Sex too, for most people (obviously not me. Haha.) But like what I always say, everything should be done moderately. Its when people get into something so much, that they lose all sense of reason, which makes things bad.

Anyway, Mabuhay, from Cebu! :)

First night is now being spent vegetating in the hotel, watching cheesy Filipino movies. In all fairness, it has all been very therapeutic. No contact or even mention of guy-whose-name-will-never-appear-here at all. Well, how could I, the only company I have is my sister. Haha. :)

Okay fine. Cheated a bit. Got to talk to him for a bit a while ago via messenger. :|

But anyway, I promise to spend the next 3 days and 2 nights just thinking things over for myself. And I promise that this weekend will be for me to rest emotionally. Maybe I'll get to start praying again, who knows.

Wish me luck! :)

Day Two

Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.

I haven't really put much thought in where I'd like to be in 10 years. Today's problematic enough for me to still think of the future. Haha.

But, being forced to really think about it, I think the only word I would want to describe the future would be settled. I wanna be 34, an executive, with a husband and maybe 2 kids in elementary and preschool. I wanna live in a gated community, with a yaya and a driver for my kids, much like how I was raised. I wanna be able to travel the world with my family, and get to buy whatever my family and I want.

Hmm. Seems a lot. 10 years isn't a long time for someone like me who's starting from scratch. Good luck, Leigh.

30 day meme, Day One.

Out of boredom, and because I'd like to (finally) write about something else apart from how depressingly repetitive life has been recently, I'm doing this.

Day One - Your current relationship, if single, discuss how single life is.

According to Facebook, I am single. No wait, I remembered, I disabled the relationship status option there.

Inasmuch as I'd like to say I'm in a relationship, I'm not. I'd like to say its a pseudo-relationship, but then again, going by the technicalities, its not. So I'm single, put it bluntly. It's not the easiest thing in the world, being single and 24. I feel like I'm walking around with a big sign on my forehead that says "lonely." Pressure is everywhere, and honestly, I'm starting to think that I may just end up alone for the rest of my life.

Knowing me, I might just end up doing that just to spite everyone. You know, really not getting married. It'll be like a big "fuck you" sign to the whole world to lay off all single girls.

Emo Monday

On a rainy Monday night, I find myself staring blankly into the monitor, allowing my fingers to do the talking. Outside the rain is pouring, giving me a false sense of coldness, making me want to just tuck myself in bed. I look over to the TV, seeing colors and images move, but not seeing anything at all.

I feel empty; like I could just lie like this forever and watch the world change around me. Apparently, that's what I've been doing anyway, so why not just accept it entirely?

Allow me my moment of self-hate for now. I need to be hard on myself so that things will change.

How did I get to such a low, low point? From a girl who knew what she was worth, who knew what she wanted in life, and had the guts to get what she wants, how did I get to this? I feel so broken and lost, like I don't even know myself. My self worth has been questioned, and my values have been put down. Heck, I don't even know what to believe in now. Even my capability to trust in myself and in other people has been shattered.

On Photography.

One more photo from Eximus Prime. Shots are darker because I used ISO 100, as opposed to the ISO 400 I used the first time.

I'm currently loving my new hobby. Taking photos of "happy accidents" and other random things (like this one,) is definitely my cup of tea. Gone are the days of one angle vanity shots and of taking very posed photos. This may be a very expensive hobby (with the developing charges and all,) but I think, so far, it has been worth it because I get to express my creativity and I get to keep memories of my day to day activities at the same time. :)

Eximus Prime

The first semi-okay shots from Eximus Prime, my Eximus White Angel Wide and Slim camera. Yay for new hobbies! :) I'm crossing my fingers for better shots the next time around!

Reminders --

1. I am so much better than this.
2. Never allow myself to go emo again. I am only allowed a couple of minutes of self pity. Never give myself the luxury of wallowing in whatever it is that I'm wallowing in.
3. Courage is the only thing I need -- courage to fix the things that need to be fixed internally. It's not enough thatI know what's wrong. I need to make the effort to fix it too.
4. No boy is worth all of this.
5. Try to believe in the best in people. Continue to hope.

Anniversary

Today (or shall I say, yesterday), marks the start of my third year at work. Whew. Time goes by really, really fast. By the standards of the company that I'm working for, I'm ancient.

This was the first photo of me that was taken when I first started working --


And this is me now; forty pounds heavier (ugh. don't ask.), with slightly longer hair, deeper eyebags, and dryer skin. Yes, I feel like I got uglier, shallowness aside.
I guess other people would share the same sentiments, because the sedentary lifestyle of working really affected me a lot. Stress of work and of other things (lovelife! haha!) got me into stress eating and emotional shopping, and into more cigarettes a day and more alcohol at night. The eyebags and dry skin were from countless sleepless nights, trying to fit in a normal work-life balance into a work schedule that's more than your typical 9 hours.

I could think of it that way, or, if I were to positive script, I'd say I just grew up. Gone is the innocence and the freshness that I used to have right after college. I became more worldly, more aware of how hard it is to earn the money that I was just so used to spending. To put it bluntly, I learned how much my money was worth.

Now I know a venti Starbucks Frappucino would mean half a day's work, and bag from Mango or Zara would mean two days. Heck, even my manipedi's worth a day of work!

This was a lesson that took two years for me to learn.

I'm looking forward to my third year at work, if only for this to be the year that I finally get to redeem myself. This means financially, physically and emotionally. I will have goals, and will work hard at attaining those goals!

Happy Birthday, Leigh!

204 facebook wall posts, greeting me a happy birthday. Wow. I'm just very overwhelmed. I'm not even counting those that greeted me via text and call and Facebook message.

I'm officially 24. I'm wishing this year will be better than the last. My 23rd year was very challenging, I have to admit. But looking back, I know I'll remember it because of everything that happened.

Here's hoping my 24th year won't be as bad. May it be a year of firsts, a year of beginnings, more than of endings. I hope I gain new friends, and still get to keep all my old ones. May it be a year of changing for the better, with new habits and new hobbies.

On Getting Older

In less than 12 hours, I'll be turning 24.

Unlike previous birthdays, I'm not excited. I don't even want to celebrate. Whatever celebration that I'll have, its more out of obligation, and not because I really want to celebrate.

For some strange reason, the number 24 scares me. One year until I turn 25, until the real world really starts. And now because I'm 366 days away from when the real world starts, self evaluation has kicked in. I feel worthless, like I have nothing to say for myself.

I'm 23 and what have I done? I've lived a fairly mediocre life, obviously incomparable to the life that I want to life inside my head. But since I'm being all honest here, perhaps the things that I'm most disappointed in is the fact that I'm just 23 and I'm as cynical than ever. I no longer believe in the rainbows and unicorns that I used to.

Anyway.. will continue when I get back.

Keeping Memories

Recently I just started a new project. I've been looking for something I could do to pass time; something creative, and something that I really like. One night I went into the den, and got random photo albums of our family, and scanned the photos. (And this is also so that I could put our scanner into good use, since its proving itself useless in our household. :) )

Good thing it was the oldest photo album that I got. The pictures that I was able to scan were priceless, and most of them were more than 30 years old.

Papa's enlistment. 1969, I think.

Papa and his airplane, aptly named "Bugoy."
(Sorry, I don't remember what kind of plane this was. Some F something, I guess.)

Mama inside Papa's airplane.
Judging by the fact that Mama was already present in Papa's life, this must be somewhere in the mid-70's, I think.

Its always a pleasant surprise to see old photos like these. It made me again realize that at some point, my parents were also like me, and yes, they were also young once. :)

Mangyari Lamang - Rico Abelardo

Mangyari lamang ay tumayo ang mga nagmahal
nang makita ng lahat ang mukha ng pag- ibig.
Ipamalas ang tamis ng malalim na pagkakaunawaan
sa mga malabo ang paningin.

Mangyari lamang ay tumayo rin ang mga nagmahal at nasawi
nang makita ng lahat ang mga sugat ng isang bayani.
Ipadama ang pait ng kabiguan habang ipinagbubunyi
ang walang katulad na kagitingan ng isang nagtaya.

Mangyari lamang ay tumayo ang mga nangangambang magmahal
nang makita ng lahat ang kilos ng isang bata.
Ipamalas ang katapatan ng damdamin na pilit ikinukubli
ng pusong lumaki sa mga engkanto at diwata.

Mangyari lamang ay tumayo ang mga nagmahal,
minahal at iniwan ngunit handa pa ring magmahal
nang makita ng lahat ang yaman ng karanasan.
Ipamalas ang katotohanang nasaksihan
nang maging makahulugan ang mga paghagulgol sa dilim.

At sa mga nananatiling nakaupo mangyari lamang
ay dahan-dahang tumalilis papalabas sa nakangangang pinto.
Umuwi na kayo at sumbatan ang mga magulang
na nagpalaki ng isang halimaw!

At sa lahat ng naiwang nakatayo mangyari lamang
ay hagkan ang isa’t isa at yakapin ang mga sugatan.
Mabuhay tayong lahat na nagsisikap na makabalik sa ating pinagmulan!
Manatiling masaya at higit sa lahat magpatuloy sa pagmamahal.

-

Shoe Addiction

I love shoes. I'm sure a lot of other girls share the same sentiments as I do. Shoes are my happy pill, and the perfect item for me to buy when I need to go emotional shopping. What is emotional shopping? Well, I'll explain later.

I know I've accumulated a lot of shoes, especially since I started working. See, I used to work in a mall, and now I work in front of a mall. It's very conducive to the emotional shopping that I'm very, very prone to doing. However, I only realized now how many shoes I actually, really have. No, I did not count, but see for yourself --

Now, that's a lot of shoes. :) Granted, all the shoes that you see there are both mine and my sister's, that's definitely still a lot more than the 25 pairs an average woman would most likely have.

Most of my footwear purchases are emotional buys -- things that I bought because I needed to cheer myself up. There came a point wherein I bought two pairs of shoes in my first hour of work, just because I was depressed. I also used to spend my lunch breaks walking around the mall, looking for things to buy. Buying stuff gave me a rush; It make me feel like a better person, knowing I had something no one else had. Obviously, there's no logic behind that, thus, the reason why its called emotional shopping.

Why shoes? Short answer, shoes make me feel better about myself. Heels make me feel like an adult, and help me feel more professional than I really am, flats make me feel girly, gladiators and boots make me feel trendy, wedges make me feel earthy and sandals make me feel like the kaladkarin girl that I really am. Oh yeah, sneakers make me feel down to earth too. I almost forgot about them, since I rarely wear them.

Apart from that, well, I guess this will suffice --

"When I feel bad I like to treat myself. Clothes never look any good... food just makes me fatter... shoes always fit. "

- In Her Shoes, 2005

Going back to where it all started

I spent my Eid Al Fitr holiday in Ateneo, with two of my closest friends, Allan and JP. I don't know what came into me but I just had that urge to go back there -- to think, probably, and perhaps to see for myself how much things have changed.

The first thing I wanted to see was the Balete exhibit, which was this huge piece that attached itself to the facade of the Rizal Library. I saw it before in pictures, and I have to say.. I like it. :) It was quirky and scary at the same time and it looked alive from meters away.


There was also a new library, which was waaaay bigger than the old Rizal Library. I never knew Ateneo had that much books!

True, Ateneo now has a lot of new buildings/structures. Add to the fact that now that it has been almost 3 years since I graduated, it would be understandable for anyone of my age/batch to feel like an alien, with no sense of belonging. Surprisingly, I didn't feel like that. While I was walking around, it felt like anytime, the bell would ring, and I would have to hurry to my next class.

It felt like a homecoming, like I'm seeing the campus through the eyes of someone who has seen/experienced more of the world, but still is the same person who once walked the halls two and a half years ago. Weird, I know. I'm still grasping for words as of this writing, to explain how it felt being there at that exact moment.

I went back there to think, and to try to feel again the carefree life of a college student. Logic behind that was, I needed to remember who I was at the happiest point in my life, when I was most content with my life. If I remember how I was then, maybe I would now have an idea of how I could get her back. Thankfully, I think it worked.

I've narrowed down the source of my happiness and contentment to these three factors:

1. I'm happiest when I'm with my friends who have the same interests that I do. May it be showbiz, pop culture, eating habits, causes in life.. well, I've found people in Ateneo who satisfy my craving for all my interests.
   
2. Now I realize the value of learning. In college, since my classes were very varied (from music production, Philippine cinema, to sociological theories.. I took them all!), everyday I had an epiphany. Everyday I got to learn about things that I wouldn't have known; things that are worthy to share to Allan (because he was the friend who was most receptive to useless information), and things that are interesting enough to remember even now.
   
3. Inasmuch as my mind was filled, my heart was too, and not in a romantic way. I guess the biggest difference of the Leigh today to the Leigh of college was that the Leigh of college had something she was fighting for. She had a cause.

I'm happy I didn't have to work last Friday, or else it would've taken a couple of months before I would have realized these things. I still miss being in college. I really do. But one thing I've learned is that it will never be exactly the same again. To quote from Avenue Q, "But if I were to go back to college, think what a loser I'd be. I'd sit in the quad, and think Oh my God, these kids are so much younger than me." I'll be happy enough to get back the old me, the college Leigh, even if I'm now already working.

Hello, September!

September 1.

Historically, September has always been a very, very good month for me. Last year for example, I got to join a game show, won around 100k, got a promotion, got my baby boy Pepi, and had a smashing birthday celebration. All this just within the 30 days of my favorite month.

Of course, a lot of it has a lot to do with September being my birthday month; it would be much happier than any other month of the year because I would most likely be celebrating the whole time. But more than that, I have this weird feeling that maybe I'd be making a fresh start in September. I have a good feeling about this month, and as much as possible, I'd like to surround myself with good vibes.

Anyway, I can't wait to see what September 2010 has in store for me! :)

On Goals

Officially, I am now Maria Leonila Villegas, Senior Associate for Talent Acquisition. Yay! :) I think I've finally reached my goals in the company that I'm in right now. If and when I leave, it'll be without regrets, since I feel that I've accomplished my goals. Short term goals at least. :)

And now, having reached this point which I initially thought I wouldn't reach (I just originally planned on staying for just a year), I think its but right for me to start thinking of my long term goals. Honestly, I've never thought about it really seriously; I've been playing my career by ear ever since I started. Thinking about it always scared me to bits, like having nothing substantial to write in an essay question. All I could muster was one, I want to be a successful, Blackberry using, jet-setting, power-dressing career woman, and two, I want to have my own collection of LV and Balenciaga bags, and Manolo Blahnik and Christian Louboutin shoes. Great, right? Yes, in a nutshell, I wanted to be Miranda Priestly, the evil Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada.

Obviously, those things aren't gonna happen overnight; and they're not gonna happen if I just continue to be my unfocused self. Inasmuch as people may think the things I mentioned earlier are really shallow, well, I still want those things. And those things aren't going to happen if I don't make this conscious effort to create goals for myself.

On Going with the Flow

Things happen for a reason. Funny thing is, most likely, the things that you hate the most are those that would me the most helpful in the long run.

Take my going to Ateneo, for example. I hated my dad for forcing me to go to that school, which was waaaaay too impractical because of the distance from my house, and of course the expenses. I hated the Jesuits, I hated how it made college feel like high school in terms of how structured it is, and how I couldn't relate to how conyo everyone was.

Four years after that dreaded first day in Ateneo, and two years after graduation, here I am, thankful that I went there.

"Life is a combination of choices and little moments." Funny that I just literally heard this from Mr. Shue as I am writing this. True that there are some things in life that you can predict, but there are also things that you can't. But I think it's much more fun not knowing what will happen next. Regardless of how much you weigh your options, how calculated your risks are, chances are, you still don't know what's going to happen next.

I'm starting to learn that I'm just a little speck of dust in the whole universe. Things will happen to me, regardless of whether I like them or not; I'm going to experience things that I may or may not be ready for. I'm just going to let things happen to me -- take calculated risks, do stupid things. Live life, in short. Regardless of how stupid I may get, I vow to make each experience as fun as I can, because that's how I want to be remembered, fifty years from now.

Sick Leave

I am home at 11:34 am on a Wednesday, because I am not feeling well. Yes, I get sick too. I blame the weather that's been very scary recently (summer-y hot in the morning, and stormy in the afternoon). Oh yeah, and also because I haven't had rest since last week.

I miss blogging, even if I have nothing to talk about. Microblogging is really getting addictive, that I can't seem to write complete paragraphs anymore. Gah.

Ramblings on a Rainy Friday Night

Yes, I am home on a Friday night, and I'm here by choice, if I may add. I have to be up by 6am tomorrow, because I'll be driving all the way to Pampanga for work, and then to Antipolo after, for the teambuilding (which I really don't wanna go to.)

Anyway, because I'm kind of incoherent right now, I'll write via bullets --

• I'm now on twitter. I could see the reason why people get addicted to it. Personally, I'm still not 100% sold on it, but hey, I have one, so I have to maintain it.
  
• This is also the reason why I haven't been blogging recently. The option of being able to just microblog (write short statements instead of long essay-like entries like this one) is just too tempting for me, especially when I'm in a hurry.
• I'm hormonal. I spent this whole week either crying, cranky, or sarcastic.
  This is because I took the wrong medication for my hormonal problem. Yeah, yeah. My bad. I shouldn't have self-diagnosed.
• When you trust someone and then that person just breaks your trust, its really hard to get it back. I've talked with him extensively, a lot of times already, and somehow, I just can't bring myself to just believe in him again 100%. Not that I want to, but sometimes I just want to feel that kilig I felt when we were still okay. Okay, pretend I didn't say that.
• I don't want to go to tomorrow's teambuilding because of the following reasons:

1. I don't want to be too drunk to function. And, its not like I really can get drunk, I'll be driving.
2. I see nothing new with just drinking with the same group every week. Boring.
3. I'm sure I'm gonna see and hear things I do not want to see nor hear. Yes, I may be a prude, but I have my pet peeves too.
4. I have better things to do with my time.

Okay. I guess that's it!

Prolonging the Magic

For more than a week now I've been wondering when I'd eventually succumb to the virus that's been going around in the office. Well, today was the day.

No, scratch that. Yesterday was the day. Hahaha.

Okay, I didn't exactly get sick because of the office virus. I got the runny nose and sore throat because I spent most of yesterday either drenched with sweat, or rain, or the icky water from Rio Grande Rapids. Yep, you guessed right. I spent yesterday at Enchanted Kingdom. The weather was really, really bad, thus, the sickness. :s


EK was great. It was more fun than the last time I went there, definitely. The rides were still all the same, but it felt really good laughing and enjoying the little shallow things like winning hundreds of tickets at the arcade and getting clips and pens in exchange, and running around all wet from the rain.


And yes, indeed, the magic stayed with me. Sorry, cheesy as it may sound, it felt very refreshing not having to think about very adult problems for a while. It felt good only having to worry about what to eat next and which rides to ride next.

I miss being a kid. I miss not thinking of adult problems, and I miss having the perfect excuse for everything, because I was a kid.

Work Boredom

I'm really getting bored with work. I go in, read emails, do reports, hangout with officemates, go on my yosi break, do more reports, answer more emails, have my lunch break, yosi after lunch, more reports, more emails, reports, emails, reports, emails...

Well, you basically get what I mean, right?

So there. Yeah, I'm bored.

Things are sort of slowing down, so the pressure isn't really there anymore. I can't believe I'm complaining that there are now less things to rant about. Things are getting boring, really.

The thing with HR is, especially in recruitment, no matter how much you make your job not boring and as dynamic as you possibly can, there will always come a time wherein admin tasks will bury you alive. After all the events and planning, comes the admin tasks that come with every move that you do. This is what bores me the most.

A House is not a Home

Tonight I got home at exactly 10:45 pm. Congratulate me, because one, I got home before 12 midnight, and two, I went home straight after work. Yay! :)

Now, let me try doing this for a whole week. This is totally gonna be challenge for me, since I normally would still want to go out after work. Going home immediately makes me feel like a loser. Haha. Yeah, it's illogical, but hey, everyone has their own quirks, right?

Okay, fine.

Truth is, I get lonely when I'm at home.

A chair is still a chair
Even when there's no one sitting there
But a chair is not a house and a house is not a home
When there's no one there
To hold you tight and no one there
You can kiss good night

(A House is not a Home -- Dionne Warwick)

Weekend Randomness!

Oh yeah, habits are really not for me. I missed writing for 2 days, sorry. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit; 21 days of doing something again and again and again. This was supposed to be the rationale behind this blog, but anyway, I promise, promise, promise that I will not miss a day anymore. Or else.
But you see, I've been busy. Very busy.

Friday was spent at work, then with the girls, to watch SATC 2, and Saturday was spent at work again, then bowling and then videoke. Today I had a volleyball game at 7am. And yes, it still puzzles me why I keep myself busy during weekends, when all I really wanna do is sleep. I have no doubts, you'll be hearing more of this from me, since I don't see myself really slowing down anytime soon. Haha. :)

Anyway, just to share, here's what keeps me excited these days --

I now play volleyball again! :) This was taken this morning, at our game versus some at team, whose name escapes my mind right now. Nevermind that we're not super, super great, but the important thing is that we're doing something healthy, for a change. :) Admittedly, working in a BPO environment is very toxic, with people's hobbies being mostly geared towards things like smoking, alcohol and starbucks. Plus, with each ounce of sweat that I sweat out (and trust me, I sweat A LOT during games and practices) I feel like I'm sweating out all my frustrations and issues, which I find so great. Yay! :)

Hello, Kate Monster.

This is Kate Monster. She's a character from one of my favorite musicals, Avenue Q.

I'm naming this blog after her, because I am her -- a girl who used to be full of idealism, who tried to overcome biases day in and day out, but eventually got eaten by the unfairness of the world.

I'm kinda pretty, and pretty damn smart.
I like romantic things, like music and art.
And as you know I have a gigantic heart
So why don't I have a boyfriend?
Fuck!
It sucks to be me!

(It Sucks to be me -- Avenue Q)

She got better in the end of the musical. I hope I do too.

This new blog is the result of yet another quarter life crisis; still related to purpose, still related to my internal debate regarding idealism and pragmatism. I don't exactly remember how we figured that this could help, but regardless, I'll be writing everyday, just to form a new habit.

Anyway, will sleep now. More writing tomorrow!