Confessions

I've been planning to write again for quite some time now, but couldn't quite figure out what to write about, and never seem to have the time for it.

Let's see. It's 5:10 in the morning and I no longer have plans of sleeping. Class is at 8, and I'm afraid that if I fall asleep, I won't wake up in time. I've got roughly an hour to waste, and watching tv might make me sleepy.

It's these circumstances that made me check your Facebook profile once more. I admit, I do check up on you from time to time. Just to see how you are and what's going on with you. It gives me a sense of satisfaction that even if its been years, you're still the same person I knew from before. Even if its just by the photos that you post or even your cryptic status messages, well, my friends are gonna hate me for saying this, but I still feel connected to you in some way. You still like the same things, go to the same restaurants, and are already able to do the things we've always talked about doing. Only, I'm no longer the person you're doing those things with.

I'm glad you were already able to go to Corregidor. And that your tastes haven't changed, you still go to that Japanese resto we used to go to after work. And you still order the same thing. I'm suprised your fishes are still alive, and that you gave her a dog too. Glad that you're able to bring her with your family, I admit, I was a bit surprised with that. You still like taking pictures, it makes a lot of sense that you'd be on Instagram.

I'm happy for you, really. You look very happy with your life, happy with her. I no longer feel any animosity, but more of a dull ache seeing as you're happier than I am. (Well, it seems that you are.) I've gone so far away from you already and reached places I never thought I could reach, but why is it that when I think of my happiest times, I still get reminded of you? I am reminded of carefree moments, when we didn't give a shit about what people thought about us, stolen moments in the middle of the day while everyone else is at work, thinking of the things we wanted to do in life and plotting ways how to get there.

Hey. I'm already in the future we keep talking about. I did it, I'm here. Sucks that I can no longer share everything with you. I wonder if you do the same - check my Facebook? Do you even bother to find out how I am?

Twenty Six.

I am obsessed with lists. I initially had a list of "Twenty six things to do on the twenty six days before my 26th birthday on September 26," but busyness (is that even a word?) got ahead of me. I barely got to do the stuff in there. But anyway, thanks to my blockmates for this crazy list --

* Eat nothing but ice cream for the whole day.
* Re-enact the Philadelphia Art Museum scene in Rocky at the AS Steps
* Recite using the Bane voice.
* Commute without using her car for a day.
* Eat at the Shopping Center Coop.
* Smoke Fortune Reds.
* Wag tumanggi pag may magpapalibre.
* Dress up in a frilly dress, with matching high heels and stuff.
* Make the first move.
* Propose to someone in public.
* Cross-dress for a day.
* Feed three streetchildren/homeless persons. It doesn't count unless it makes them smile.
* Hawakan sa tenga si DanGat
* Try Jackie's famous vanilla sundae with gravy
* Maka-uno sa recit ni Dan Gat (at least, I think that was an uno recit. *crosses fingers*)
* Drink habang nakatambay sa Sunken Garden habang pinapanood ang mga taong nagfufootball or nagfifrisbee.(Scratched off half because I didn't have drinks with me.)
* Magtanong sa upperclassman kung ano ibig sabihin ng TBA.
* Attend Adhoc tapos mahiga ka sa sahig ng banyo at magpa-tapak ka kay Jackie
* Kiss 26 people on the cheek just because J
* Pumasok ng lasing.. Uminom sa Sunken Garden.
* Uminom sa Sarah's. 
* Lakarin yung Acad Oval.
* Apiran si Zorro.
* MAG-YOGA SA AMPHITHEATER. PARA FITNESS.
* Catch a free movie sa UPFI!
* Watch a Dulaang UP play. 

4.5/26. Pathetic. Oh well. Gotta admit, some of them were kinda impossible. I mean, hello. "Hawakan sa tenga si DanGat." Like I could get away alive if I ask him that. Hahaha.

But anyway,  today is my 26th birthday and I'm feeling a lot older. I know age is nothing but a number (haha, cliche), but I feel farther and farther from my youth and a hundred cartwheels closer to being middle aged. Another year and I'm already in my mid-20's. That's cause for panic, right? Right???? (Come on, agree with me!!)

A few days before today I was sort of having this crisis, about turning 26 and not having anything to say for myself. I am very far away from who I envisioned myself to be at 26. At this age, my mom was (secretly) married to my dad, and had a career she was excelling in. Other friends and batchmates are getting married and building families of their own. Heck, Clare just bought herself a house and lot! I on the other hand, am a first year law student, having taken 15 months off to join a reality show. That's almost back to square one, if you think about it.

I would never have thought I'd turn out this way if you had asked me this in high school. But then again, this was how I chose to live my 26 years. It may have seemed like I was all over the place, trying out so many things and exploring different facets of my personality, but I don't regret it. At the end of the day, these are the things I'll remember. The seemingly mundane, crazy and off beat things that I've done will make me the cool mommy/lola I want to be in the future. Hahaha.

So, cheers to another year of randomness. 25 was when I became a reality show personality and a law student. A year of extremes, if I may say so; definitely something worth remembering. And for that, I thank you (whoever you are who's reading), old friends, new friends (I've had a lot of those the past year!), my family (including the dog), and the universe, for making things happen for me. Thank you Papa God for another year full of life, love, laughter, tears, fears, joy, excitement and adventure. Looking forward to more of those in my 26th year! :)

Sunday Cooking with Leigh

Today I channeled my inner Martha Stewart and tried my hand at cooking. Now I get why people say this is a stress reliever -- it gives such a sense of accomplishment when the food turns out well.

This all came about because our trusty 20-year old turbo broiler finally bid farewell. (Seriously, that thing belongs in a museum. Haha.) My sister bought a new oven and yeah, you get it. New kitchen toy that I wanted to play with, so I cooked the cheesiest Baked Macaroni you can ever dream of. :)

Okay, now I go back to studying!

Baked Macaroni ala Leonila

Midterms, schmidterms.

Hello world! Surpriiiiseeee! I'm still alive. :) Taking a break from studying for my Legal History midterms just to tell you that. Well, yeah. There.

I've been in law school for a little over two months now (two months and 6 days to be precise) and I'm sort of getting the hang of it. Now that everything's been taken care of in my past life, I can finally concentrate on my studies. Seriously, I have a newfound respect for working students now. It definitely isn't easy. :s

Between reading cases which more often than not just much ado about nothing, and trying to memorize provisions of the Revised Penal Code (READ: TRYING), my blockmates entertain the hell out of me. Seriously, they're crazy. They get me laughing my pants off most of the time.
Anyway there really isn't any point to this entry (haven't you figured that out yet?), so I'm going to go back to studying now. Hopefully next time I'll have something more worthy to write about. (God, I hope law school hasn't made me boring yet!)

And oh, by the way, I'm writing this through the mobile blogger app. I figured I'd get to update more often with this. Let's see. :)

UP Law Block E 2016

Survival Guide For Dating A Law Student | Thought Catalog

Survival Guide For Dating A Law Student | Thought Catalog

Law School 101

It's been three weeks since I started school, and I can honestly say that I've never read this much [serious] stuff in my whole life. I read a lot, yes. But I read fiction, and those I can finish in 2 days. Now I read cases and articles. (Sometimes interesting, sometimes very interesting, most of the time just boring. Hahaha.)

Yeah, that's my new adventure, to be Leigh, the Lawyer. (Kinda sounds like Dora the Explorer, doesn't it? Haha.)

Malcolm Hall, home of the UP College of Law

Three weeks in the UP College of Law has already taught me a lot. Surprise, surprise. And I don't mean law-related things; these are lessons in how to be a resilient person in a very, very tough world. They weren't kidding when they told us it would be hard. I remember sitting in the auditorium, listening to our orientation speakers and thinking, "Why the hell are they so nega about it all??" Lo and behold, they were all telling the truth. :s

Law school is not the place for cramming. I've always been proud of my cramming skills until now. No matter how good you are at cramming, there is no way you could get to understand what you're reading in less than an hour (unless you have bionic memory and you're a very fast reader). Cases, regardless of how short they are, tend to be complicated at times, and legal terms are scattered everywhere in the text. To fully understand the text, well, you have to understand the legal terms as well.

Time management is very, very important. My cellphone timer is no longer used to time my workouts, but to measure how much time I spend reading a case/article/chapter. I measure my days in hours -- how much time I spend doing personal things (driving, preparing for school, eating meals), studying and sleeping. This I have yet to master; for someone like me who doesn't like structure, well, this needs a bit of getting used to. Sadly, the sleeping part gets to be sacrificed more often that I would like to. :(

Law school is a blank slate. Tabula rasa, as they say. People don't care if you were a cum laude, a mediocre student, or an ex-reality show personality (hahaha). In school, you are all equal. Everyone goes through sleepless nights and bad recits. This means for some, kailangan bawasan ng yabang ang katawan. No matter how good you were in your undergrad studies, the professors here are waaaay smarter than you, so don't ever think you can outsmart them and that you're better than them. You are not equals. They are the gods of Olympus and we are just humans wanting to be like them. For the others, this means an opportunity to redeem themselves from mediocrity. After all, it was previously mentioned in our orientation that the school accepted only 8% of its applicants for our batch. If we were good enough to pass, well certainly, they must have seen potential there somewhere. Kailangan din ng konting yabang sometimes.

Three weeks is just that -- three weeks. I know I'm bound to learn more things, and unlearn some of the things I already know. I'm keeping this list open, so that I can correct myself in the future, if my assumptions now turn out to be wrong. :)

I Wish I Could Go Back to College..

5 days until I end my 14 month hiatus from real life. So many emotions are bubbling inside of me, and I can't really define in one sentence how it feels. I am excited, sad, nervous, intimidated, challenged... well, you get the picture.

I'm at Resorts World now working on some last minute work related things with Allan and this song suddenly came up. Funny, I remember one life talk session with Virlynn when we ended up singing this.

KATE MONSTER:
I wish I could go back to college.
Life was so simple back then.

NICKY:
What would I give to go back and live in a dorm with a meal plan again!

PRINCETON:
I wish I could go back to college.
In college you know who you are.
You sit in the quad, and think, "Oh my God!
I am totally gonna go far!"

ALL:
How do I go back to college?
I don't know who I am anymore!

PRINCETON:
I wanna go back to my room and find a message in dry-erase pen on the door!
Ohhh...
I wish I could just drop a class...

NICKY:
Or get into a play...

KATE MONSTER:
Or change my major...

PRINCETON:
Or fuck my T.A.

ALL:
I need an academic advisor to point the way!
We could be...
Sitting in the computer lab,
4 A.M. before the final paper is due,
Cursing the world 'cause I didn't start sooner,
And seeing the rest of the class there, too!

PRINCETON:
I wish I could go back to college!

ALL:
How do I go back to college?!
AHHHH...

PRINCETON:
I wish I had taken more pictures.

NICKY:
But if I were to go back to college,
Think what a loser I'd be-
I'd walk through the quad,
And think "Oh my God..."

ALL:
"These kids are so much younger than me."

I think this about sums it all up -- the excitement, the nervousness... everything. How appropriate too, this coming from one of my favorite musicals, Avenue Q, which is where I got to know Kate Monster. :)

The FitFil Fitness Bootcamp by Coach Leigh :)

You wouldn't imagine how terrified I was when I was first asked by Coach Jim if I wanted to help out in this new idea he had a couple of months ago. A fitness bootcamp was all he said -- something new and different, and of course, fun. (When he said "fun," of course I had to say yes! Haha.)

I was scared mainly because despite having been in the Biggest Loser Camp, I'm still not someone you'd consider fit at first glance. Fitness is an industry where image and experience counts.. and I basically had no credentials at all aside from the fact that I was able to lose weight in around 5 months. Aside from that, I wasn't really your typical fitness buff; actually, I'm not even really a fitness buff at all. I'm just a normal person trying to balance real life with being able to take care of my body. Never in my life have I been called "Coach" and I have never dreamed to be called one outside the corporate setting.

Long story short, I ended up working for Coach Jim Saret's FitFil Movement. What is it? Well, it's basically a movement to get more and more Filipinos slimmer, fitter and healthier. Together with me are my other Biggest Loser friends -- Ahia Alan, Eric, Destiny, Winwin, Edden, Hazel, Raffy, JM and Ryan.

The good thing about this camp is that it combines the three things that are most important in getting fit -- quality workouts, good nutrition and of course, MOTIVATION. I know how hard it is to spend lots of time in the gym, only to get minimal results. I also know how it feels to have a goal, to be fired up at first and to get demotivated in the next couple of days because of boredom, loneliness, or just because it feels like all the work isn't paying off the way you want it to. In this camp, the quality workouts will be from Coach Jim (4 minute workouts!), the good nutrition from Nestle Wellness, and the motivation from my BL friends and I. After all, who else better to motivate, than people who have all been through it and are still going through it, right? :)

I spent last week in Cebu for the launch of the Cebu leg of the FitFil bootcamp, and it definitely exceeded everyone's expectations. 200 people registered, and over 200 people showed up during the first day! We grouped them into beginner, intermediate and advance and Destiny and I were given one of the beginner groups.

Team Bangon-on (meaning "to be weighed" or something like that) is a group of varying ages composed of people wanting to lose weight for different reasons. I vividly recall someone saying that he wanted to lose weight because he just had a baby and realized that he wanted to see his baby all grown up. There were also those who wanted to have a better quality of life. They mentioned things that were very true to me a year ago and even up until now. Hearing their reasons made me even more motivated to go through with my own journey, while motivating them as well.

Team Bangon-on

As of last Saturday (our first weigh in), most of them have lost between 1 to 8 lbs. Imagine, that much weight lost after just one week! Unfortunately, I had to leave Cebu and be in Manila for the other things I had to do -- school, and preparation for the Manila camp. One thing I promised them though, was that when we next see each other, we will all be sexier! I definitely want to keep my end of the promise, and I hope they do too! :)

The Manila leg of the FilFil Fitness Bootcamp will be on June 25 - July 27, 2012, MWF 6-8pm at the Bonifacio High Street Grouds. The Cebu leg started last May 15 and will last until June 16, 2012, T-TH-S, 6-8pm at the Ayala Terraces.  Registration is still ongoing for both camps.
For more information, please visit www.coachjimsaret.ph

I miss you.

Warning: Extremely cheesy entry.

I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. The two weeks of preparation for my departure should have been enough; in fact, I was half wishing I'd just get it over with, to end the drama and the suspense. I'm sure you were wishing the same thing too to end my endless questioning of what you'd miss most about me.

At the back of my mind, I was thinking that this is good. I'd finally get it all over with -- you and the whole situation. I knew I needed this. In Basha's words, "Kailangan ko to, Poy. At kailangan mo rin." I thought the weeks of prolonging the inevitable would make me immune to how it would really feel once I'm already here and you're there. Unfortunately, it didn't do me any good.

God. How I wish I was still there.

You and Me Could Write A Bad Romance

Tonight I have this sudden urge to talk about love. I don't know why; heck, I don't even know what to say. Anyway, I'll let my fingers do the talking.

I'm 23 years old, and surprising as it may seem, I've only experienced (what I think is) love just recently. Contrary to popular belief, I don't like dating and I don't like having to present myself differently, more often better than I really am, to someone that I've only met just recently. From that alone, you can deduce that fine, I'm not your typical 23 year old female. I don't like playing the game. Period.

And yet, just recently (like, a little more than a year ago), I experienced my first taste of what you can call love. (I don't even wanna call it that, but since it fit the definition, well yeah, let's call it that.) It was great at first, like we couldn't get enough of each other. Little pet names, all day YM conversations, all day text messages, calls at the end of the night and at the start of each day, breakfasts, lunches, and dinners everywhere... name it, we did it. And so I was not able to keep myself from falling. Hard. My inexperienced heart was able to experience something that it has never felt before. Never before have I felt that special, that needed, that much like a girl.

A lot of things happened in between; a lot of drama, lots of tears, lots of conversations under the stars. (Yes, we were that mushy.) But like all great stories, things had to have a climax, a falling action, and an ending. The previous paragraph was the climax of it all. We are now at the denouement of the story, close to the end.

I've long accepted that whatever we had was already ending. I guess what hurts the most and what brings me to tears now, is not how he has hurt me, but how I am now just a story for him to tell his friends and his future (dare I say it,) lovers. I am now a "what used to be," a relic from his past, and yet here I am, still wanting him to be part of my present.

Yes, I am better off without him. I am better off without all that emotional turmoil, all that drama in my life. My mind is set with that fact, but my heart.. well. yeah. It's not that easy. I loved him, really. I loved him to the point that I stopped existing for myself, I forgot who I was, my friends, and even my family, just so I could cater to all his wishes. Heck, I loved him to the point of self mutilation.

And yet my heart remains resilient, even if I don't want it to be.

Not Like the Movies

Today I had one my cheesiest days ever. It involved good company, perfect weather, and a very poetic location. All of a sudden, I found myself barefoot on a little patch of grass in Luneta, facing direction where the wind was coming from, feeling the wind on my face. I look to my left and there he was too, doing the same thing.

I bought bubbles, he bought a kite. We were trying (to no avail) to fly that Dora the Explorer kite, which we eventually left to the kids there to play with. It felt like a movie, really; like it was too good to be true, which of course, it was.

If only everyday was like that -- sunny, windy, playful and happy. But no, tomorrow I return to the grey and cold world of the employed; back to the excel sheets that I've been slaving for, to the phone calls that have to be made, to the reports that have to be submitted.

In the same way, I go back to the world where you and I are just.. that. Mere acquaintances that talk a lot. When we parted ways tonight, the world that we have created for ourselves today also ended, to be replaced by the old, very detached us. Sometimes I wonder which is real, because we play our parts very well, both when we're together and when we're not.

Journals and Journal Entries (part 1)

Journals. I've had them since 5th grade, and I have no plans of stopping.

This afternoon I unearthed one of my journals inside camp. In the spirit of honesty, I'm gonna admit and say that I had two journals there -- one with all the workouts and the wholesome stuff, and one with the things I couldn't say out loud.

This was one of my entries in the wholesome journal. I'm glad to know it was still me writing, as it was already my 47th day inside camp when I wrote this.

July 27, 2011, Wednesday
BL Day 47


Very, very lazy day today. Been raining hard since yesterday. Went for a rainy afternoon powerwalk with Ryan. Yun lang workout ko. Haha. Had Coach Ching in the evening. 


Temptation today too. Ate 2 small bowls of lugaw and 2 small bowls of champorado so that I could be with Francis for the last chance workout. No regrets, the food was very, very yummy! And this week, I promised myself I'd enjoy everything. Go with the flow. Back to the old Leigh. This might be my last week here so might as well enjoy, right? 


Weird. I'm probably the only person here that doesn't want to bring this til the end. I'm cringing at how much pressure I'd have to endure just to get to that level. I don't think I'm cut out for it. I do have moments wherein I think I want to bring this til the end. I think I now can, especially that my body's cooperating with me in terms of weight loss. The thing is, do I want it? See, that's why my mentality now is just to enjoy every second, minute and hour that I am here.


Quoting from Rent --


There's only us, there's only this
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss
No other hope, no other way
No day but today. 

Funny that I already had a feeling that this would be my last week inside camp. :) After this week was a whirlwind of activities, of things to talk about, of bonding and bashing moments, of crazy imma-beat-the-shit out of that person anger, of kilig moments and stories, and definitely of tons and tons of laughter (care of Joy, Destiny, Win and I, of course.)

Let's see. I might post some other entries soon. :)

Holy Week 2012

Holy Week found me alone at home this year. My dad was in Cebu (on a roadtrip, if I may add), and my sister was locked up in her room with her boyfriend, which meant I wouldn't be seeing her at all. This being the quietest time in the city, I ended up inviting Hazel, Raffy and Joy for a sleepover.

After the usual sleepover activities, I brought them to my Holy Week thing -- the Stations of the Cross at Bonifacio High Street. I had previously written about it here, and because I was so touched by it, it has become a yearly thing for me.

With Raffy and Hazel, Station 1

Station 6 - The Cross

The prayer of the person I was supposed to pray for

What I was thankful for.

What everyone else was thankful for.

 I still love this whole tradition, but I need to remind myself to go there at night or early in the morning. The number of people there was a bit distracting, it ruined the solemnity of it all. Sad to say, I wasn't able to really feel it as much as I was able to the year before.

Good Friday, we jumped on a bus to Pampanga, where we visited the Razons and watched the Good Friday festivities. One of the things Pampanga is known for is their celebration of Good Friday. In a handful of barangays in San Fernando, people have been known to re-enact Christ's suffering up until his crucifixion.

The flagellants starting very early in the morning

Walking with a bloody back under the mid-day sun.

  

People in the streets, waiting for the bearer of the cross.

Re-enactment of the carrying of the cross.

This is definitely not for everyone -- blood spatter was everywhere! The cars and the people around all had blood on them because of all the flagellation. It was a bit violent too. Part of the tradition was having the people kick around the guy carrying the cross. It took me a while to understand what they were doing. While from afar it seemed like part of the story they were trying to portray, being in the midst of the people doing the kicking made me think of other ideas.

Unfortunately, we weren't able to see the crucifixion anymore. It was too hot and too crowded, and we had seen enough blood and gore for one morning. :)

Happy 1st Anniversary, BLPE! :)

This time I was last year, I was welcomed back by my dad who was surprised I was back home so soon. April 14, 2011 was the day we all had our first semi - taste of the camp's brutal workouts and challenges. Destiny, Andy, Kuya Larry and I had to fight it out, as to which of us will be able to officially join the other 12 contestants of the Biggest Loser Pinoy Edition. Unfortunately, Andy and I didn't make it. While they were already inside camp at this time, meeting the coaches and everyone else, Andy and I were on our way home, figuring out how to explain to everyone why we were back so soon.

Ahhhh. How time flies. It's always so nice to reminisce about good memories. :)

The BL tarp in front of the PBB house

So anyway, because yesterday was our anniversary, we spent it working out. (How fitting, I know.) Not like we don't do that often enough, but yesterday, we worked out wearing our BL uniforms. It was like a celebration of some sorts. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually miss wearing my fuschia pink shirt. Whoever made the decision to give me fuschia pink.. THANK YOU. Hahaha. :)

Side planks -- something I've never been able to do inside camp.

The Spider Crawl, from Kuya Alan's list of workouts.

Standing L-R: Leigh, Hazel, Joy
Sitting: Ryan, Raffy

It's been quite a while since we last all got to hang out. After all, it's not easy, because most of us have gone back to our old lives and are busy with so many things. Plus, a lot of us aren't Manila-based, so seeing each other is really a hard feat. But I hope we get to all see each other soon. With everything we've gone through together, it's already like family. :)

Dancing the Day Away

Dancing has always been something I've always wanted to do, but no one seemed to believe I could do. (Hahaha. I'm not kidding! I used to always get the "Yeeeaaaah. Suuuureeee." look whenever I'd tell them this story.) I used to do it as a kid; summer vacations in Villamor were all about dancing and performing. Three summers worth of ballroom dancing did it for me, I was bitten by the dancing bug.

But then I gained lots of weight. Yada, yada yada. You know the story. It was one of those things I stopped doing because one, I couldn't physically do it anymore, and two, I got conscious all of a sudden. Blame it on puberty, I guess. Puberty coupled with weight gain.. Yeah. I stopped.

So when my friend Viva asked me if I wanted to try out Pole Dancing, of course I said yes. :)

But that's not what happened.

We couldn't really find the right schedule for a Pole Dancing class, so we ended up spending the day at Movement Dance Studios, in Ortigas. For Php 600, you can spend the day there and join all the classes they had for the day. We tried out Zumba, Diva Hiphop and Vegas Striptease... all in three hours. Yes, three dance classes with no rest in between. Hahaha. We're crazy.

With Russel, an old officemate who turned out to be our Diva Hiphop instructor

After our marathon dance classes, with Kate and Viva

I had previously tried out Zumba with the 30 minute circuit training at Curves Serendra. That was Zumba with a circuit, so I didn't really get to feel what Zumba was really about. The class felt very reminiscent of the Body Jam classes I do at Fitness First, but with a Latin twist.

Diva Hiphop was more to my liking, and that's not just because the instructor turned out to be one of my friends. Hahaha. It wasn't your typical hiphop class -- it was more of a Beyonce, Kesha and Nicki Minaj inspired dance class, with a lot of hairography and flirty steps.

Vegas Striptease was definitely a guilty pleasure. Where else can you dance to "Careless Whisper" with a straight face? Yeah. I think you get what I mean. The steps were definitely racy and sexy, with lots of hip movements that got my hips aching now. Whereas the two other dance classes were more of cardio, Vegas Striptease was more for toning. Lots of lunges, squats and sucking in of the abs for the core.

They also have ballet, hiphop, belly dancing and sexy jazz classes, which I want to try out next. Sexy jazz is supposed to be just like the dances they do in the movie "Burlesque." Of course, Pole Dancing is still something I'd like to try. :)


Movement Dance Studios
28F Unionbank Plaza, Meralco Ave., Ortigas Center, Pasig
http://movementdancestudios.com

On Getting Back on Track

It's been around 5 months since the show the changed my life ended, and I must say it was not an easy road from there. Fitness in general is something that I've always struggled with, as I'm sure most people experience as well. I can't even begin to describe how tempting the real world is again, when it comes to food, and most especially lifestyle. It's very easy to get sidetracked, and sad to say, it sort of happened to me in the past 5 months, especially with the things I had to go through emotionally.

That being said, well, I'm happy to say that I'm back on track. Yay! I've started with a new diet, keeping in mind the things I've learned inside the Biggest Loser Camp with the help of our resident nutritionist, Ms. Nadine Tengco. My goal now is to normalize my diet, and to always choose the healthier option. Lately I've been cooking my own food at home, and really trying to avoid the really bad stuff. :)

In terms of workout, now that things have gone back to normal, it has been more of a steady thing for me. I go to Fitness First almost daily, and I do crossfit with WOD Nation. I also try out new workouts which I promise to write about in succeeding entries. :) Running is also something that I do with my BL friends whenever I can.

Now that the show's over, I guess the biggest challenge is really how to bring the new me into the old lifestyle. How do I continue to diet when I start working? How would I find time to workout when I start being busy again? These are the things that I've been trying to transition to now.

I've always said that I never wanted to be skinny. That's really just not me. I just want to be a healthier person, someone will never say no to a challenge, and someone strong enough to do the things I never used to be able to do at 235 lbs. :)

In Limbo

Limbo

noun

in limbo in a state of uncertainty, neglected, up in the air, in abeyance, betwixt and between, not knowing whether one is coming or going (informal) I felt as though I was in limbo.

Collins Thesaurus of the English Language – Complete and Unabridged 2nd Edition. 2002 © HarperCollins Publishers 1995, 2002

------------------------------

There you go, folks. That's exactly where I am right now -- nowhere.

2012 has been disappointing so far. In fact, I go as far as to say that 40 days into the year, I have more questions than answers, and more problems than I have solutions. This has been brewing inside me for quite a while now, and sooner or later I know I'll just break down.

The nagging thought in my head right now -- I'm 25 and I'm unemployed. I don't know what I want to do really, and the things that I know I want to do, I can't because of external factors. I feel so powerless in my own life, that even I can't trust myself to do anything about it. I've run out of belief in myself somehow. It may sound impossible, but yes, that's exactly how I feel. The sadder thing is that I feel so abandoned going through all this because no one can seem to understand how badly I feel about myself right now.

Anyway, tomorrow is another day. I gotta start motivating myself again, because obviously, its not going to come from anywhere else. I have to start doing things by myself again, because again, even the best people can let you down.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

(What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger - Kelly Clarkson)

Observations and Rhetorical Questions

I find it peculiar how women throughout civilization have worked so hard to be treated as equal to men, as truly independent, but have to revert back to their old clingy and dependent ways just so the men would feel needed and therefore treat them as "womanly." (Wow, run-on sentence. Pardon the grammatical error, I'm just really uhm... emotional about this now.)

Are men threatened by strong women? If so, does that mean that the woman has to pretend to be weak and clingy just so the men would feel needed, therefore becoming an ego boost for them?

If you're reading this, there's a big chance you won't agree with me, but hey, that's how I see things.

And yeah, how does a girl differentiate when a guy is just being nice or being pa-fall? Most stories I hear, the heartbroken girl blames the guy for being pa-fall, while the guy claims he was just being nice. Can someone please point to me where this invisible line is, because I hate the fact that I'm turning 26 this year and yet I'm still getting lost.

Anyway, I'll write more about this soon. For now, I shall sleep. Good night world!