On a rainy Monday night, I find myself staring blankly into the monitor, allowing my fingers to do the talking. Outside the rain is pouring, giving me a false sense of coldness, making me want to just tuck myself in bed. I look over to the TV, seeing colors and images move, but not seeing anything at all.
I feel empty; like I could just lie like this forever and watch the world change around me. Apparently, that's what I've been doing anyway, so why not just accept it entirely?
Allow me my moment of self-hate for now. I need to be hard on myself so that things will change.
How did I get to such a low, low point? From a girl who knew what she was worth, who knew what she wanted in life, and had the guts to get what she wants, how did I get to this? I feel so broken and lost, like I don't even know myself. My self worth has been questioned, and my values have been put down. Heck, I don't even know what to believe in now. Even my capability to trust in myself and in other people has been shattered.
You have to believe in something.
ReplyDeleteHow do you do that? Look back to a cherished memory, remember how you felt then, and ask yourself what you could do to feel that way again. The answer, of course, is love, whether for family or friends or dogs. But the answer isn't what's important; it's the process. :)